Ok, I usually don't use my blogs to do this but I need to get somethings off of my mind & I hope the person reading this thinks about it in thiers...
I'm about as livid as I can be right now and for once it's not regarding education. I cannot stand it when somone takes advantage of another person's feelings. It's not real. It's not right. It's not a characteristic that I even want to be associated with...
I'm mad at myself! Mad at myself for trusting. Mad at myself for being nieve. Mad at myself for believing in another person. Mad at myself for caring-- for even thinking that there could be a friendship.
Friendship is a two way street, I admit, maybe I could've been a better friend. I know that I have things I need to work on... being loyal isn't one of them, being a decent person isn't one of them, playing on someone elses' emotions isn't one of them either.
Today-- You have won. You have the upperhand... You got me. Great job.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
One Small Moment
It's 4:45pm on a Friday. My day has ended. The kids have all gone home. My classroom is completely quiet. It's my time. My time to relax. My time to enjoy some quality time with myself for two days before starting the maddness again on Monday. Every week, I vow it's going to be a great week. It will be the week that there will really be balance in my life, yet just thinking about next week brings on feelings of being overwhlemed and out of sync. Generally, I leave work feeling this way and discouraged quite often. I leave questioning, "Is this what I really want to spend my life doing?" It's funny how one small moment can make you remember what it is all about....
Just a little bit ago, I pulled out letters I'd sent to my kiddos' parents at the beginning of the school year inviting them to take a few moments to write me about their children, asking them to think about things that might be important for me to know as well as their hopes and expectations for the 2009 - 2010 school year. As I read, I was reminded that this year's kids are Miley Cyrus fans, animal lovers, gymnasts, creative artists, Bakugan-maniacs, football players and future geniuses. They are dubbed silly, shy, smart, mature, sensitive, playful and imaginative.
As I read these letters from the parents, I was struck by the love between the lines, the hopes & dreams that were in their words, and the faith/trust they have in me. No one wrote that they wanted their child to score high on the MAP test in two years or attain a DRA (Developmental Reading Assessment) reading level of 18 by the end of first grade, or even meet the state standards. It's not that they don't want those things for thier children, but the things they chose to write me about-- the things they considered most important for me to know were not about test scores, reading levels, or state standards. The content of these letters, the love in these letters, left me feeling a way that I had not felt in a long time.
Now, I'm sitting here my desk and rememebering that I really love being a teacher! I can't let myself get caught up in the incessant push for high test scores, the endless editorials about the fate of public schools, and the misguided politicians and their plans for reform. I can't let myself get caught in this frantic pace that knows no end or I will end up feeling overwhelmed and miserable for the remaining months of the school year. In all that is going on in education, I cannot let go of what I know is best for kids. My classroom still needs to be a joyful place where I can take the time and appreciate all of the wonderful things and love these little things about my kids that their parents wrote me about. It's amazing how one small moment changed my thinking.. I'm looking around my empty classrom right now and I feel excited for Monday and what next week will bring.
Just a little bit ago, I pulled out letters I'd sent to my kiddos' parents at the beginning of the school year inviting them to take a few moments to write me about their children, asking them to think about things that might be important for me to know as well as their hopes and expectations for the 2009 - 2010 school year. As I read, I was reminded that this year's kids are Miley Cyrus fans, animal lovers, gymnasts, creative artists, Bakugan-maniacs, football players and future geniuses. They are dubbed silly, shy, smart, mature, sensitive, playful and imaginative.
As I read these letters from the parents, I was struck by the love between the lines, the hopes & dreams that were in their words, and the faith/trust they have in me. No one wrote that they wanted their child to score high on the MAP test in two years or attain a DRA (Developmental Reading Assessment) reading level of 18 by the end of first grade, or even meet the state standards. It's not that they don't want those things for thier children, but the things they chose to write me about-- the things they considered most important for me to know were not about test scores, reading levels, or state standards. The content of these letters, the love in these letters, left me feeling a way that I had not felt in a long time.
Now, I'm sitting here my desk and rememebering that I really love being a teacher! I can't let myself get caught up in the incessant push for high test scores, the endless editorials about the fate of public schools, and the misguided politicians and their plans for reform. I can't let myself get caught in this frantic pace that knows no end or I will end up feeling overwhelmed and miserable for the remaining months of the school year. In all that is going on in education, I cannot let go of what I know is best for kids. My classroom still needs to be a joyful place where I can take the time and appreciate all of the wonderful things and love these little things about my kids that their parents wrote me about. It's amazing how one small moment changed my thinking.. I'm looking around my empty classrom right now and I feel excited for Monday and what next week will bring.
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