9 months & counting....

Last weekend, my little baby, turned 9 months old which equals out to 39 weeks of life. Crazy to think how long he was in utero & is how long I've been holding him in my arms. He's a growing boy... A whopping 22lbs. He is crawling everywhere, pulling up, walking around things like the couch while holding on, & crawling up the stairs. He's so brave & so independent. It scares me. It saddens me.

He loves games like peek-a-boo. He hides his sweet little face & pops up with a smile. He's the best. 

The only down side to 9 months is this first tooth waiting to pop through. It's like having a newborn again. Although I'm up every hour of the night... It feels good to hold my baby & console him-- rocking him back to sleep.

8 month post--- belated

I'm sorry my son. If you grow up & read your mom's blog.... you may be wondering why the 8 month update is almost 2 weeks late. Well, it's all life's fault. It's going by too quickly. It's kind of your fault too. You're keeping me busy. Supervision has gone to a whole new level-- gone away are the days that I lay you in the middle in the bed while I get ready for work in the mornings. You are in to everything! Crawling and pulling up. Picking up any and everything and putting it in your mouth. You are quite the  nosey thing-- we have started calling you curious Kade. Your personality is coming full circle. You are full of smiles and laughs. You grunt a lot to get our attention. You say mamamamamama and dadadada. It's pretty precious. You are close to getting teeth, which I hear is brutal on parents so I anticipate your 9 month update coming a little late as well. :)

Happy 8 months baby boy! These pics will give you a laugh & show you your silly personality.

Failure

This month I gave up nursing and pumping. It was the hardest thing I've ever done-- I cried. A lot. I never imagined when I first started breast feeding that I would ever fall so in love with it. So in love with that time with my son. It was so beautiful. So amazing. 

I only made it 7.5 months. I am mad at myself that I couldn't juggle more. I couldn't juggle nursing, being a full time mom, working full time, pumping at work, being a wife, being a friend... It was just too much. My baby has a cold & ear infection this week. I can't help but feel like a failure-- I've let him down. If I hadn't  quit, he would get antibodies & not be sick.

I'm feeling like a horrible mom. 

7 months

"Don't blink, you may just miss your baby growing...." these lyrics brought tears to my eyes the other morning as I thought about how much my baby has changed. It's been such a huge month for my little/big man. He is crawling. Trying to pull up. Sitting up. Rolling over. Babbling like crazy. Chewing on anything & everything. He's just such a cool kid. 

He's my baby but he's not my little baby that he was-- he just keeps growing into his own little person. So curious about the world around him, constantly taking every little thing in. He loves his mom. He loves his dad & he loves his sweet potato & sweet peas. 

Happy 7 months, Kade Thomas!! xxoo

6 months

In all of the holiday madness I almost forgot to post about Kade tuning 6 months old. (Bad mom, I know) 

This past month has been really neat. He continues to learn something every single day. We have started jokingly calling him "Curious Kade". He is rolling over stomach to back & back to stomach. He sits up if put in that position for a long time & when he's bored he will go over to his side & on to his belly. He laughs. Oh, he has the sweetest laugh. And he loves his bouncing swing in the door. He is really close to crawling. He gets up onto all fours and rocks. Sometimes he ends up in a downward dog postion--he just hasn't figured it all out together yet. We have started solids. He hates cereal. Loves green beans & sweet potatoes. More importantly, he loves the bath time afterwards.

He continues to teach me how to be a good mother, a good wife to my husband, a good daughter to my mother and how to appreciate other women in their roles as moms. I love this little baby of mine so much. Happy 6 months Kade!!

5 months

Here it is-- another month gone by. My baby is 5 months old. My baby is 5 months old. My baby is 5 months old. Saying it. Writing it. Reading it. Nothing makes it feel real. Time is flying before my eyes. I want to take him and stop time. I want to enjoy it even more. Maybe I am selfish but I don't want him to keep growing.

When I brought him home from the hospital it was world rocking. Admittedly, I prayed to the baby gods that he would mature a little bit. I mean, I was an exhausted first time mom. He nursed & nurses & nursed for what seemed like all day. When he wasn't nursing he was crying & after trying 20 different things he would just stop. This was an every 2 hour ordeal. It was maddening. Now he's 5 months old & I am praying to keep him a baby for just a little bit longer-- stretch out the days, the months... Come on baby gods work some magic for me again, pleaseeee.

As I'm writing this I can't believe it's even the same kid I prayed about months ago & how time can change so many things. This month my baby doesn't look like a newborn anymore-- he's just a baby now. A baby who is rolling over & almost ready to crawl. A baby who laughs when you make faces. A baby who sticks out his tongue & attempts to blow raspberries. A baby who grabs & picks up things with such ease. A baby who now sits in a high chair & eats cereal-- & then takes a bath & intentionally splashes his feet because it's funny. (His personality is really coming full circle.)

I can't make time stop. I can't put it in a bottle but it won't stop me from being wishful. Happy 5 months Kade!! 

4 months

Although I don't have much to compare it to-- this past month with my little man has been the best. I have seen him do so many new things. Watching him discover new things that we do so simply has been mind blowing. It's the best thing I've ever witnessed.

This month my little man has gotten really good with his hand eye coordination. He grabs things with such ease with his strong little grip. He examines them & of course tries to put them in his mouth. This includes grabbing his feet-- although he hasn't gotten them to his mouth (due to a big ole belly-- he weighs 15lbs!) it never stops him from trying. He also has started using his hands to rub his eyes when he is tired & pull out his grandma's hair any chance he gets.

He still smiles, coos, and now squeals all the time. He is really close to laughing. Right now when he thinks something is funny he smiles & buries his face. It is precious.

And the biggest news of all for this month is that he is rolling!! Watch out world, we have a mobile baby.

On to another month-- & Go Royals!

3 months

Three months. That's how old my son is, three months. I have to pinch myself & say this often as I am watching my son grow into his own little person everyday. 

He is full of smiles & coos, giggles & snuggles. He makes lots of sounds & faces. He smiles & lights up everytime I pick him up. It has become the highlight of my day. He is starting to roll. Unfortunately, he is still not sleeping through the night but I take that time when he wakes up to love on him. If I have to be tired the next day or the rest of my life, he's worth it. 

2 months

Every week, my baby gets older & I fall even more in love. In the past month, I have watched my baby grow in leaps a bounds. Not only has he started physically growing with the little rolls appearing all over his little body but he has started showing his little personality. 

In this past month, he has started giving back smiles to all of the singing, cooing, and standing on my head that I have been doing. Mornings are my favorite. It seems that's when he is the happiest. We do lots of playing & talking in the morning. He makes the long a, long i, and short a sounds-- I think every sound is him saying, "I love you, mommy". (Sorry, the teacher in me can't help but notice the sounds) 

He is becoming so aware of people and his surroundings. It's amazing to watch his little mind work. Sometimes, he will grab on to something & the look at like, "I didn't mean to grab it-- what do I do with it now?" That look gets me everytime. I can't wait to see how he continues to grow in the next few weeks. I will be sad when I have to go back to work--These weeks at home with him have been amazing.

Finding a balance

Pure admiration is the only way to describe how I view other moms who have it "together".  The ones who are taking their newborn babies on walks everyday, doing baby yoga, hanging out with their friends/family, and carrying on with their lives even with a new baby. These women are Gods--& I love (hate) them.

For the past 7 weeks, I feel that I eat, sleep, & live baby. Everyday is a juggling act of being mommy to my son, wife to my husband, homemaker, teacher, friend, & a "good" family member. (Throw work into this mix in a month) It seems impossible. I am failing--when I make one a priority another hinders. Feelings get hurt, people get upset. I look around and my house is a complete disaster. I look at myself & see a hot mess. Where is the harmony?

Kudos to all the Super-hero moms out there who have this figured out. Please give this mommy some tips.:)

One month

Everyone tells you that kids grow up too quickly-- but I've never fully understood this until having a child of my own. 

This first month has flown by & has definitely had some tough moments. In this past month I've learned to change diapers, I've accepted the fact that I will never be a breast feeding goddess, and I've been maddened by sleep deprivation. Admittedly, a baby is a lot of work & I thought it would be much easier.

Although it's had it's tough moments... it's been amazing to watch this little man start to become his own little person. He is already holding up his head, smiling (probably gas), and rolling to his side. I can't wait to see what next month brings for this little guy-- hopefully more sleep for his mom. :)

A new journey

Today my husband & I were driving to the grocery store.. Just the two of us. I was reminded how 3 weeks ago this was my life.  I don't know why but in this moment in the car I reflected how dramatically my life has changed in such a short time, how being a mother instantly changes everything... forever.

I don't think anyone or any book could ever truly prepare you for motherhood. (Believe me, I read every book, blog and forum out there.) It's just something that naturally happens. There's no words to describe the love, patience, frustration, fear, and excitement you feel when you are with your baby. Somehow you start juggling a million things & feelings-- functioning in a way you could never have thought possible prior to a baby. Today I looked at myself like, who is this amazing woman?

This is just the beginning of the journey of motherhood. It hasn't been easy but it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. Kade Thomas, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love being your mommy.