Checking In

I haven't blogged in sometime but that doesn't mean that I haven't written. I have actually reverted back to journaling. There's just something that is so fulfilling about picking up that little black, leather bound journal on my nightstand a jotting down my thoughts for the day before bed.  Its amazing how quickly the pen moves across the paper and even more amazing how quickly the thoughts come to me... it's like having a conversation with myself. It's refreshing, it has been exactly what I have needed to get me through this crazy busy time in my life but in order for some of you (grandma*wink) to keep up with what's going on... here I am, "Checking In" on the blog. :)

WEDDING BUZZ - Three weeks until I am a married woman. As much as I complain about the work... I can't wait to marry the man of my dreams. I thank the moon and stars everyday for such a wonderful man. The wedding is going to be beautiful. I have spent so much time on DIY projects and made some absolutely beautiful decor, as well, as surprising myself by my craftiness. Everything is lined up. Now we are just on a countdown for the days.

WORK BUZZ- I looped with my kids and it was the best decision I have ever made... when they came into my first grade class last year, many of them were non-readers-- now, they can't keep their noses out of books! They know themselves and readers and are constantly teaching me about who I am as a reader and what I know about reading. Today was one of those days where I learned something. We are currently studying the genre of historical fiction. We have been reading many historical fiction books. Today when I challenged them to think about what historical fiction demands from us as a reader their responses were out of this world incredible. I could make a list of their awesomeness but that is besides the point-- I guess, today was just another day of truly loving my job.

HOUSE BUZZ- I hate being a homeowner. Ok, not really. Just when your basement floods, you have to get a pipe replaced, your yard is filled with leaves, and there's not enough the day to fix it all. That is all. :)

CHARLIE BUZZ - Well, Charlie is everything that Josie is not... he is the craziest cat I have ever met in my life! Everyone keeps saying that it is because he is still a kitten. I am not so sure. Truthfully, I think he is missing a brain or the one he has doesn't work. He keeps us on our toes and laughing for sure! I will try to get pictures up of him. He is getting big so fast! My nephew, CSB, was over for Halloween and he asked, "Aunt Sissy, Where is your little bitty baby cat?" I laughed and pointed to Charlie who has put on 6lbs since summer.

PROUD AUNT BUZZ - Speaking of CSB-- Did I mention he is reading wayyyy above grade level? Yes, I am a proud aunt and I brag any chance I get! :)

Well, that sums up my life in a nutshell-blog. I'll check back in soon. Mwahhhh.

Say It's NOT So!!

Today, I was at the place that I love/hate the most.... Walmart.  I was grabbing a few much needed items (which is why I was at Walmart on a Sunday with the local crazies) and then I saw it, what I was not ready to see... the back to school aisle!

Scissors, Markers, and Folders, Oh my!! *sobbing

This summer has went by extremely fast. I have spent the whole summer planning a wedding and working on the house that I have not taken any time for fun in the sun. I am as pale as a ghost. I feel like I have not taken the chance to truly be a bum.

This week, I am making it my number one priority to lay at the pool, be a bum and get some tan lines. The school year is almost here. Thank you WalMart for reminding me of that today! *Grrrrrr!!

Life Update

What started out as a nervous date has now turned into the love of my life.... & we're engaged!!! I can't even put into words how incredibly happy he makes me. My life has been missing something & it's so clear what it was --him!! Let the wedding planning begin :)

Change Is Good.

A few months back, I decided I needed a change in my career. I didn't really know what all that encompassed but I knew it was a done deal in my mind. After a few months full of high anxiety fretting over what was the best decision for myself, I accepted a position teaching first grade in another building. As sad, as it is leaving the school, the friends, the familiarity of what I have had for the past six years I am excited for the change and the growth that is in my future.  Change can be a good thing :)

I had no clue that packing up my classroom would be so much work.
It has been really overwhelming.

Out with the old and in with the new.  My stuff has been moved.
Let the unpacking and the new adventure begin...



A Complete Stranger.

The past couple weeks have been tough. Real tough. I've been in a real funk. I've felt so lost. And yet, there's wasn't any explanation.  Until, this morning, when it hit me like a brick. So many changes have happened since last summer and it has finally caught up with me. Today, I realized that I am having a mid-life crisis or something of that nature. My world is not my world anymore. The truth is, there's a stranger in my house and her name is ME.

The words to write haven't been there because I didn't know what was bothering me. Now I do--Who is the person that I have become? I say this, like a it's a bad thing. Truth is, from the looks of things. Things are dandy. But I feel so empty inside.

Since last summer, I have bought a house. Fixed the house. Paid off debt, Strengthened my relationship w/God. Committed to a relationship. And made a ballsy career moves. I am stable. I am secure. Life is grand.... Wait, but is it????

Truth-- I feel like I don't know myself anymore. Without me even realizing it--my world changed dramatically. I feel like I just woke up from a dream but this is my reality.  These motions I go through every day don't feel like ME they feel like just that... motions. Everything is the same every stinkin day...Is this what 'growing up' feels like???


I blinked for a second and 12 months went by and now I'm a completely different person. A complete stranger. Is this the next chapter of my life? Because if so--we can skip it.

Loss for Words.

I feel like this blog is one that I've written. One that says, I sit here & try to write & yet there are no words.

I've been angry. I've been depressed. I've been stressed out. And who wants to write about any of that? I've been in this state of frustration because I'm unable to say what's really on my mind. Because I can't feel the words through my finger tips.

[Blank screen. Type a word. Type another word. Delete.]    

Same pattern, night after night. The words are in there. I just can't give them to you. Where do I start? So, for now, I feel them through the headphones of my iPod hoping this block will pass...

Tomorrow is a new day to try to blog. To try to journal. To find my words. To get back in this again. "Music is indescriable. It tells us everything we can't say, everything we want to say, and it feels everything we feel."  Play Adele's 21 & get lost in it. This is where I'm at. Lost in translation. Take these tracks & act like they're my words... until I find my own.

Thoughts Become Things

So, ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I swear by the book The Secret. This book does not give any new concepts of how we can change our lives for the better it only restates all that we have heard here and there about positive thinking over the years. Throughout your life, you've heard the expressions, "you can do anything - go for it" or "think positive" or "half full not half empty" and so on.... the book takes the idea of positive thinking and suggest that when you put that positive thought into the universe your thoughts will then become your reality.

Okay doubters, I can hear you now, "I'm putting the thought of being a millionaire into the universe. Does that mean that I am going to win the lottery tomorrow?" Chances are NO! However, does that mean in the future an opportunity will come about for you to make more money? Well, I wouldn't put it past "the secret". Only if you think it. Until reading The Secret I didn't realize all of the negative thoughts I was putting upon myself, those around me, and in the universe.

Once I changed my thinking I noticed that the universe really does work in my favor. Do I think this book speaks differently to all people? Yes, absolutely, I think this book works differently for everyone, just like ALL self-help/spiritual books do but for me it has changed my life; it is my rock. Whenever I feel down, I pray, but then I turn to this book! I really do believe that thoughts become things and if you will it... it will happen. Okay, those of you that know me, how many times have you seen me use "the secret"? Exactly, It works!

I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say "I read this book. I followed everything they said to do. There was something that we were using the book for and we worked it diligently every day and when the time came time for "the secret" to work it failed us." Well, here's my thoughts on that... you probably put doubt and your negativity about "the secret" into the universe and that's exactly what "the secret" did for you... it had all your doubts and negative thoughts come true.

This Lullaby

It's one of those things you never know for certain because there's no way to enter all the relationship data in a computer and have it spit out a definitive answer. You can't quantify "love", and if you try, you can wind up focusing on misleading factors. Stuff that really has more to do with personality-- like the fact that some people are simply more expressive or emotional or needy in a relationship. But beyond such smokescreens, the answer is there. Love is seldom--almost never--an even proposition.

Sometimes in life, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us. Even if it's not what we want, at least it's something. Everyone has their weak spot. The one thing that, despite your best efforts, will always bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are otherwise..

With all this being said, you can never go from "being together" to "being friends", just like that, it's a lie. It's just something that people say they'll do to take the permanence out of calling it quits. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, the said 'friendly' relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it's like calling it off all over again.... but messier.


Read more: http://www.myspace.com/kcdreday/blog

My Gift. My Curse.

Sometimes.. I think wayyyy too much. Ok, not sometimes. I always think wayyy too much. I always have. It's my gift and my curse.

Lately, I can't quit analyzing a "relationship" in my life; over thinking everything. My mind says one thing and my heart says another. I don't know if my questioning everything is just my insecurities, my fear, just me being a moron or just me being smart.

Am I trying to find things wrong with this person? Am I trying to find things wrong with the "relationship"? Am I purposely sabatoging this? Truth is, I really don't know. Part of me thinks I am.

Then, the other part thinks this is intution. I'm a woman who knows what she's worth and I'm being smart. I like to think I'm capable of reading between the lines. I've built walls for a reason and I keep distance for a reason.

My gift: All this thinking & I may saved myself from a major let down.
My curse: I want my brain to turn off & I want clarity.

The Way It Is

No album has gotten me through the tough times of a heartache like Keyshia Cole's The Way It is. Tracks 1-12 are all absolutely amazing. My ex, who many of you know, put me through it. The cheating, the lies, the broken promises. . . I had never felt any kind of pain like that.

A broken heart is the worse-- I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. Everyday I felt like I was just going through the motions of life. I listened to her album on repeat; feelings of anger I had for him, the sadness of him breaking my heart, and the happiness from the good times we shared would overwhelm me on every track. Her album captured it all; so much that I haven't really listened to her album since.

Today, I listened to it on my way to work. Funny how music can bring those feelings back again because for a minute I actually missed him.

The truth is, I'm at such a better place in my life now. Looking back on it. . .things could have been very different for me and although I had heartache like none other... I'm glad it happened and thank you Keyshia Cole for getting me through it.

Ok, time to get this week started. Yayyyy for it being Monday & the end of the school year. The resolution continues. I'm happy. Are you?

Reasons, Seasons, & Lifetimes.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Thinking about my life thus far and the start of changes. Change is ineveitable. It's part of growth. It's part of life.

But a hard change that undoubtedly must be made for my own happiness involves some of the "friendships" that I have in my life. Friendships that were never really frienships. Friendships that have expired. Friendships that don't hold true to the defintion anymore. I'm to the point in my life that I'm done with a few of them. I'm washing my hands. Our reasons and seasons have come to an end...

I got an an email recenty that I keep thinking about and it couldn't have came at a better time. (Thanks Erica!)

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.]

I'm thankful for this email. And for the ability to stop and reflect. And for the reason and season friendships for they have shaped me into who I am... and with that being said, I'm on to the next chapters of my HAPPY life.

Blessing In Disguise

Recently, I made a decision to go back to school for yet another degree; a Specialist in Education. In the beginning, I was very apprehensive about the decision to do so but was persuaded to go ahead and join the program despite my reservations.

Currently, my life is extremely busy. In a nutshell, I am a first time home buyer, my brother & 3yr old nephew live with me, and the work of a teacher never seems to end. Needless to say, I am stressed beyond words!! Yet somehow, I found the time to fill out the FASFA forms, write admission essays, request transcripts, blah, blah, blah, the whole nine yards!!

Since admission into the program, I have been mentally preparing myself for the amount of studying and discipline that would be required of me. Although, I knew that pursuing another degree would be an added stress, something inside of me was secretly excited to be back in school.

Yesterday was the start date of my new program, however, I didn't go. Everything just seemed to come to a halt (note: for extremely good reasons). As I sat in the parking lot watching everyone else walk into the building all I could think is that I was wrong not to trust my initial gut feeling--that feeling of apprehension.

Yes, I'm disappointed but I truly believe there are no coincidences in life. It may sound cliche but everything happens for a reason...maybe it was timing or maybe this just wasn't the program for me. I'd like to think that maybe this was just a blessing in disguise.

Here comes the stress!!

There are two really big commitments that I must make if I am ever going to be a "Grown-Up".

1) Get married.
2) Buy a house.

Seeing that one is not option for me right now, I have proceeded with number two. I have done it. They accepted my offer. I have bought a house. I am officially a "Grown-Up".

Now.....

I feel the ulcers brewing. There are no major problems with the house. I just got my contract back. I am sending it to my loan officer on Monday. There have been no hangups in the process; everything is going smoothly. So why is this still so stressful?

Well, I know finances are one big stress...every time I walk through my new house I see more and more things that I need to do!!! My mind goes wild; this needs painting, that needs to be replaced, this needs fixing. Cha-ching, Cha-ching, Cha-ching. The dollar signs are adding up quickly.

Not to mention, it seems like any spare minute I get in this already crazy life of mine...I hear, "call this person, sign here, send this, fax that, call again, oh wait--sign again". Why can't you just get everything you need all at once? No, that would make it too easy. There are honestly, just not enough hours in the day!

I am happy about my house. Really, I am. It's exciting but between the jumping through hoops act with the house paperwork and the budgeting for the houses' expenses... I am stressed.