My Gift. My Curse.

Sometimes.. I think wayyyy too much. Ok, not sometimes. I always think wayyy too much. I always have. It's my gift and my curse.

Lately, I can't quit analyzing a "relationship" in my life; over thinking everything. My mind says one thing and my heart says another. I don't know if my questioning everything is just my insecurities, my fear, just me being a moron or just me being smart.

Am I trying to find things wrong with this person? Am I trying to find things wrong with the "relationship"? Am I purposely sabatoging this? Truth is, I really don't know. Part of me thinks I am.

Then, the other part thinks this is intution. I'm a woman who knows what she's worth and I'm being smart. I like to think I'm capable of reading between the lines. I've built walls for a reason and I keep distance for a reason.

My gift: All this thinking & I may saved myself from a major let down.
My curse: I want my brain to turn off & I want clarity.

This little blog of mine....

Blogs are supposed to be this place I can go to and express myself. A safe place, a quiet place, a place where I can say whatever because it's mine. They allow me to write in a much more casual tone than I would if I were writing a paper or an article for school. They allow me to put my ideas that are not fully developed into the universe with a promise to deliver more later.

With that being said, I have so many things I want to write about. All of them being random but personal, maybe too personal, and definitely not developed. It's been an a crazy week.... note, I did not say a bad week. With that being said, I am thankful for the weekend and thankful for this little place I can go called a blog. I have spent the last hour reading random blogs and not having to think about what I really want to write and publish for the whole wide world to read.

All, I will say is I cannot stand obnoxiously opinionated people who talk about things they know absolutely nothing about!! Maybe someday I will develop this more and write what I really want to write on this little blog of mine.

Holy Appliances!!

Geeze appliances are expensive!!! The stress for this new home buyer continues yet it's still an exciting stress. Yesterday, I went shopping, ok pricing, for appliances at three stores: Sears, Nebraska Furniture Mart, and some little appliance store off of I-152.

After hours of shopping, looking at model after model, analyzing feature after feature -- french doors vs. top/bottoms, stainless steal vs. black or white. I think I have found the perfect little stove and refrigerator for my kitchen.

Eeeeeee for excitement! I have chosen to go with G.E. models for both appliances. I have done my research (thank you consumerreports.org) and I am positive that I have made the right choice. The other appliances in my new kitchen are black. I think the black/stainless steal will be a perfect match! I can't wait to put up pics of the new kitchen toys when they are in their new home!! Stay tuned.

The Way It Is

No album has gotten me through the tough times of a heartache like Keyshia Cole's The Way It is. Tracks 1-12 are all absolutely amazing. My ex, who many of you know, put me through it. The cheating, the lies, the broken promises. . . I had never felt any kind of pain like that.

A broken heart is the worse-- I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. Everyday I felt like I was just going through the motions of life. I listened to her album on repeat; feelings of anger I had for him, the sadness of him breaking my heart, and the happiness from the good times we shared would overwhelm me on every track. Her album captured it all; so much that I haven't really listened to her album since.

Today, I listened to it on my way to work. Funny how music can bring those feelings back again because for a minute I actually missed him.

The truth is, I'm at such a better place in my life now. Looking back on it. . .things could have been very different for me and although I had heartache like none other... I'm glad it happened and thank you Keyshia Cole for getting me through it.

Ok, time to get this week started. Yayyyy for it being Monday & the end of the school year. The resolution continues. I'm happy. Are you?

The Resolution: My Job

Day 50,324: Ok, I've lost count of the days but the resolution continues. Today, I'm thankful for my job. Crazy some days, sensational others but I get to work in a field that displays one of my passions. I love learning and I love kids.

Tonight was SCIENCE NIGHT aka student-led conferences. Back in the day, when I was a youngster, we called nights like tonight "Open House". Our "Open House" began at 4:30pm and the families poured into my classroom where the kiddos were given the oppurtunity to show off their super scientist skills.

Kids went from station to station showing off their knowledge about the properties of matter. They were so engaged and so enthusiastic sharing every little detail they could remember from class about solids, liquids, and gases. Their parents were in awe taking in all of their little yet big words. I heard numerous comments like, "Jack and Jane just love learning. Thank you for all you do."

The warm fuzzies felt nice from their kind words. But they didn't feel as good as the warm fuzzies I got from my kids and how proud of them I was tonight. They bring a smile to my face on so many occasions... I'm thankful for nights like tonight. It is part of the plan of staying happy.

Here We Go Again. . .

Okay, so remember my blog about me being more active with my workouts? More so than I have been in a long time? Yeahhh, well, the good new is: I did not go into hibernation over the winter. (Thank you C25k app) The bad news is: I went into hibernation about a month ago.

It's mind boggling how easy it is to get out of the routine of working out. I mean, I was hitting the tredmill 3-4 times a week, sometimes even more than that, sometimes even in the early mornings and to top it off for 3 months straight!! Then one day, I just stop and here it is a month+ later and I decide to go for a run.

Let me just say, it was an amazing run. I had a great playlist (see below.. you might want to download a few of these pump-pump-pump it up songs) and the weather was beautiful!! My body is in pain, my shins are on fire and I'm excited to get back into it!!!


Today's Run Playlist
Please Don't Leave Me - PINK
Hard - Rihanna
How Low - Ludacris
Shakin it for Daddy - Robin Thicke ft Nicki Minaj
Sex is on Fire - Kings of Leon
Imma Be - Black Eyed Peas
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga (I'm absolutely in LOVE w/this song)
Mr.Jones:Live - Counting Crows

My Sanity

Music is truly my sanity. There is nothing like it. It helps me get through what seems like everything-- the five hour roadtrips, the last stretches of a run, & the sleepless nights. It has the ability to take me out of bad moods, put me in good moods, the ability to take me to other places.

Today I'm laying in my bed, blinds barely letting the sunshine in, iPod on the docking station blasting the sounds of Lauryn Hill Unplugged. If you've never listened to it... All I will say is, what an amazing album!?! It's the type of album you listen to and get lost in translation, get lost in all your thoughts, get lost in life.

As I type this blog, one of my favorites from the album is playing. It's a song that leaves me empowered. Some may listen to the song and think it's about a relationship; I think it's about life. The words Anti-conformity, Uncompromising, and Non-Complacent are the words that I feel when I listen to this song-- I Get Out.

Check it out and add it to your favorite playlist. http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/I+Get+Out/1eW3ra